Three weeks 'til Tough Mudder. Crazy. That's exactly what people are telling me I am. I am sort of letting that sink in and beginning to think that myself.
Despite the negativity I am being fed, thus far I am trudging on. This week has been particularly strong. I am beginning to see a difference in how far I've come in sessions compared to when I started at bodyco, or even just since this winter. I can now last through a whole class without feeling like i'm going to pass out or throw up and for the first time, asked Jody this week to give me all she had. If I was going to make the time to go to the gym and better myself I want to be all in during that time. I realized this week that many times I wasn't. I was moving through the motions, but mentally not there. Months ago, if I had the opportunity to cut corners, skip reps, or go light with weights I would do so without hesitation. In my mind, if was there, I was doing what I was supposed to. It wasn't until last week, when I really wanted to focus on TM training and another confirmation Wednesday morning that the light truly turned on.
I haven't been to many 5:30am classes lately (and in doing so these last 2 weeks i'm not sure how I did it on a consistent basis), but since going back have found that it is quite the packed place! Our workout Wednesday morning consisted of various 20 rep exercises (burpees, jump squats, stair runs, etc) with a lap around the plaza in between. About 1/4 of the way through the class it seemed as if one of the ladies was racing me. I figured I was crazy, and still being half asleep brushed it off, but by halfway through she had made it pretty clear. My competitive side turned on and it was game on! At one point I had a full lap on her, but she skipped one of the runs, doubled up on a rep and caught up. I was fired up, but again just stood in my own zone. The only person she had to answer to was herself and if that was going to make her feel better, then go for it. Our last exercise was 5 stair runs, then finishing with a lap. At this point she was behind me, so as long as I could out run her, I was good. After 4 runs, she headed out for the lap. At this point I was completely fired up, bolted up and down the stairs and sprinted outside. I was able to catch up to her at the final straightaway at which point she glared at me and took off. For a few quick seconds I debated on whether to empty my tank and blow ahead, but then thought- what if she really is not racing me...I always hate when people show off. Just finish as you would.
After panting my way back into the gym I wanted to say something, but realized that I used to do exactly that. If I was not being watched, i'd stop working out. If I was told to do 50 of something i'd end at 45. The only person I was cheating was myself, and I hated it. Deep down, I was (and sort of still am) scared to fail. I wanted to keep with the exercises I knew I could finish and excel at. If I even had a thought about not being able to complete it, I would go right into modification mode, stop halfway or just skip it all together.
She was in fact racing me, as she came up to me a few minutes later to let me know I kept her on her toes the whole class. She followed it up by saying the first person she wanted to keep up with ended up starting too fast for her, but I really did appreciate the challenge. I was in the zone for the entire 45 minutes and probably worked out harder in class that morning than I have in a class in a while. I promised myself that every time I walked into the gym I'd give 100%.
Walking into training on Friday, I feel like I did exactly that. I asked Jody to not let up on me. I wanted to go hard. And I wasn't going to half ass anything she gave me. I left there with a bit more confidence & maybe a bit of pride that I got through unscathed. We will see what the next three weeks bring, but i'm pretty certain that if I get my orange headband I will also shed a tear or two.
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